Nastaran

When I was in the first grade of school, the Taliban closed schools for the first time. I think it was in 1995. After two years, I continued my lessons at a course held in a house. It was supported by PARSA, a non-governmental association. We were fifteen girls.
At that time, we went to the course in hiding from the Taliban. We faced many challenges. I was nine years old, but my mother always said, “You should continue. One day, the government will change.”
We studied two years of school lessons in one year. We didn’t have free time or holidays. One day, the government changed, and the Taliban were gone. I continued my schooling with a lot of challenges and difficulties. I remember that I always dreamed of having new books, clothes, shoes, and other things.
When I graduated from school, I wanted to continue my education. I loved studying, but unfortunately, I couldn’t continue my education. My brothers said, “When a girl finishes school, she should stay at home like our mom.”
“We cannot tolerate this lack of zeal—that our sister goes to university.” That was their idea.
After a lot of hardship, I started my studies. Unfortunately, I couldn’t finish them. The Taliban came and closed all universities to girls in 2021. Once again, I broke. I had worked hard, and I was first in my class. I had very difficult times. I cried hard, and I became depressed. It was my dream to finish my education and earn a master’s degree. I also dreamed that one day I would become a strong woman leader who could support Afghan women.
I invested my own capital and opened a sewing workshop. After six months, fifteen girls graduated from my workshop, and now they can solve their own problems.
I became engaged, and after that, I faced a big problem. I had to close my sewing workshop and stay at home. I lost my dreams once again.
Someone saw my fiancé at my engagement party. He told my brother, “He doesn’t have a family. He is a cheater and a bad man.” After that, my brother said, “I will kill your fiancé if you don’t leave him.”
I told them, “No, he is a good man. I will never leave him.”
They said, “If not, we will kill you with him.”
I said, “I am waiting,” because they have this idea that they are men and I have to accept their decision.
I don’t know what I should do. If we marry, they will kill us. If not, I can’t live without him. My fiancé is not a cheater. He has a family, but no one heard me.
During this one year, I have just cried and written poems.
This is my story. I wrote a summary of it.
Now, we have come to the conclusion that all these unjust words and reactions are because of society and because no one wants to accept women who are more knowledgeable and intelligent. We live in a patriarchal society, and the majority of Pashtun families do not consider women human beings, let alone consider their words.
Also, if the Taliban had not closed universities, I would have reached all of my dreams.